Dear John and Jane:
DO NOT DESTROY BEFORE READING TO THE END. This is something that needed discussing a long time ago. I am sending you this now so that you might seriously sit down and have a very serious husband/wife discussion about the most important aspect of your lives.
Our 44th anniversary is coming up in April. I know, for a fact, that we would be very happy and most content if certain happenings would be amended. Some things have happened on our watch that make us feel like failures, even though we feel we have done everything we could do without outright offending anyone.
We took our vows to raise our children to the best of our ability to believe in God, the Catholic Church, and its teachings. I think we accomplished that the best we could with what we had. We also believe that God was watching over us through all the young hard times of very little money, premature babies, etc. But in the end, we were able to house, feed, clothe, and educate the kids in a better than most type of way. They never went hungry or without a roof over their heads. They did not graduate four years of college with student loans. They drove decent automobiles. They definitely wore nice up to date clothing. They were educated in the Church and received the Sacraments of Baptism, Penance, First Communion, and Confirmation - as well as Marriage (only one child went to a different Christian facility). In our minds, that is one child too many.
For reasons we don’t really understand, you chose to be married in a civil union rather than the Church. We somewhat accepted the marriage being made to think that, “We will have the marriage blessed in the Church after returning from the island.”
Now, four years later, still nothing has been done to amend the situation. It really is as simple as (1) Talking to the Priest; (2) Catholic confession; (2) Renewal of Baptism; (3) Renewal of Marriage Vows. And the promise to raise the children in the Church.
One does not have to convert to Catholicism unless one wants to do so. Mike and Jenny are at that point, but thanks to Jenny’s beliefs and stamina, both of her kids are enrolled in the Catholic Church activities and receiving the Sacraments. If Eric had not been married/divorced before he met Jessica, they would also be members of the Catholic Faith, as well as her three sons (two were baptized Catholic). I know that you, Jane, were taught in your younger years in the ways of Christianity. Now that you are married to a very generous loving man, have beautiful babies, are loved by many family members (bio’s and the Johnsons), it is time to become a part of the community through the Church.
I know John has been very dedicated to the Church and prayer all of his life. I do know that he goes to Church on Holy Days/Sunday whenever he can. I do know he would go more often if his family attended Mass with him. It’s the Family Way past, present, future. He would be so proud to show off his beautiful wife and babies. I don’t know what happened to his beliefs or backbone.
Edward and I trusted that the promise to have the Marriage Blessed would take place way before this. The longer you put it off, the harder it will be for you to do it.
You now have two very precious babies. These babies need to be baptized in the Church and brought up as Christians, preferably members of the Catholic Community. God, the very Polish Catholic Joe and Jen Johnson, Elmer and Edna (Convert) Ericson, and your parents, families, and friends would be so happy for you. I am thinking by now, Joe and Jen are rolling in their graves knowing that Mark and David divorced and remarried and left the Church. Some of their grandkids that they loved and supported so much have taken the wrong paths in life. It is disheartening, to say the least. What is really sad and uncalled for is the fact that some don’t even try to attend Mass. But when things get rough, they blame God!! Not a Christian thing to do.
All of us are born with original sin. God forgives that sin through Baptism. After Baptism, we are still all sinners, not saints, which is why we pray, attend Mass, confess our sins and receive absolution. Even the clergymen are sinners. No one here on Earth is perfect and free of sin.
All we can do is pray, try to do the right things by one another, for the neighbor, for the community, etc. Everyone has stresses and bad habits. It would be better for all of us if we weren’t tempted into the bad habits, but it does happen every day. BUT, after taking the wrong path following the wrong road, we need to remember to (1) Acknowledge that we did something wrong; (2) Be sorry for what we did wrong; (3) and confess/receive absolution.
This is the Grand Slam!! You owe it to God, each other, and your babies to sit down and discuss this in a totally spiritual way (leaving all politics out).
I worry about Edwards’s worrying about all of you, praying for all of you, and losing sleep over it because he can’t do anything about it. I definitely know he (and I) would be very proud knowing that you were working this out and amending the civil marriage into a Christian marriage.
We would so love to attend the Baptism of Aidan and Elizabeth. We would even be honored to be Best Man and Matron of Honor as well as Godparents.
What a lovely anniversary gift this would be.
We love all of you so much that we just cannot sit back and say/do nothing any more. Spirituality is the most important part of your life. It saddens us that young people today embrace the socialistic ways; thus, making their own rules, doing as they please, justifying that they are always right, and leaving God out of their lives. Without God’s creations, we would not be here to even discuss this.
I pray that you repeat your vows and Baptize Aidan and Elizabeth.
PRAYER FOR TODAY AND EVERY DAY
May God Bless John, Jane, Aidan and Elizabeth. Keep them safe from all harm and keep them healthy in the eyes of God.
Love, Mom and Dad
Wow. That's epic.
ReplyDeleteOh, I would have quite a time in that family. 'Good' Catholics and staunch Baptists, to put it mildly, do not agree in such matters.
ReplyDeleteI am Catholic and I am so offended by this letter.
ReplyDeleteAnd what does being divorced have with being able to be Catholic??
Um. You're Catholic and don't know the answer to your question? Divorce is forbidden by the Catholic church.
DeleteI'm guessing for their 44th Anniversary, they're going to be cut off from the family they sent this to.
ReplyDeleteDid they really promise to have the marriage blessed? If the couple promised this and didn't do it, then they're in the wrong. They should just have been honest from the start about their intentions.
ReplyDeleteBut regardless, this letter is over-the-top. This is the kind of thing that should be discussed quietly over coffee and with respect, not in a mile-long letter. :-(
OP here: No, we never promised to have the marriage blessed. They brought it up with DH after the wedding and he deflected and changed the subject quickly..this is the first time it has been brought up since. DH is also agnostic and does not attend church except for family events etc. We live far away and they don't ask about these things, but instead just assume (or, more likely, haven't asked because they don't really want to know the answer). I'm not surprised that they are bringing this up, but was shocked by the manner in which they did so. This letter seems so condescending and disrespectful to me- the general tone of it just makes me angry. DH is going to call them to set things straight. Thanks for the feedback everyone.
ReplyDeleteBeen there, done that. This sounded EXACTLY like my in-laws minus the names and a few of the little details. So sorry- I know how awful it is. Consider yourself lucky you don't live 15 minutes away!
ReplyDeleteSomewhere near the middle of the saga MIL mentions a son who (apparently) married in the church and divorced. So the church marriage she considers all-powerful and binding didn't last and the civil ceremony is doing fine.
ReplyDeleteI'm Catholic and this letter pisses me off.
My God! What are they going to want for their 50th anniversary!?
ReplyDeleteYou should post this to dealing with the inlaws and foo on babycenter (if you haven't already). they would like it.
ReplyDeleteThis made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up!
ReplyDeleteI could have sworn that my MIL wrote this. I, too, have been there, done that.
For what it's worth, things got much easier with my in-laws when we moved 800 miles away and I stopped speaking to them. DH talks to them 2-4 times a year and our lives are peaceful and calm without drama.
Best of luck to you, OP.
Wow, that could have been written by my mother :-/. So sorry you have to deal with this OP.
ReplyDeleteWow...You could steal my come back line anytime someone starts this within my family..."oh sorry, as a satanist I just don't think God would approve." Keep in mind that this only works for me because their problem with me is that my husband and I are Pagans raising our baby to choose for herself someday. :D For some reason being reminded I could be "worse" than I am always helps.
ReplyDeleteWe took our vows to raise our children to the best of our ability to believe in God, the Catholic Church, and its teachings. I think we accomplished that the best we could with what we had.
ReplyDeleteHmmn, says it all right there. With what they had. Sounds like someone thought outside the box. That person is to be commended.
OP - any update after the phone call?
ReplyDeleteThat email address would be blocked immediately.
ReplyDeleteDO NOT DESTROY BEFORE READING TO THE END.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, now why do I get the feeling this is NOT the first novel MIL has emailed???
Hey, at least you didn't get an email telling you how she wished her son would "wise up" and divorce you. Yeah, I've actually received an email like that from my mil. Not to mention all of the downright lies she's posted about me (yep, she actually used my name) on her facebook.
ReplyDelete